The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
