Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Please don't give away my fajitas
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