dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
