Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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