just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
