He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
