there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
