My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
