You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
