I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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