Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
