The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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