It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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