Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He keeps bees of course he's weird
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
