just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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