Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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