Sponge bath it is.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
