he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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