I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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