Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
