I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
