I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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