my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
