Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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