tell your sister to shave her snatch
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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