I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
