he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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