life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
