This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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