Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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