my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
a search helicopter?!
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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