i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
