i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
