Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
