Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
