I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
