Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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