eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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