hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
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