I got chris browned last night
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
