i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
pray to the hookup gods
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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