I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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