Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
