You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
