So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
