The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
