I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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