her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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