remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
how does that bad decision feel?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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