Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
