do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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