i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
