thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
