Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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