That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I am naked and annoyed.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
