Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
